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I'm going to try out using these password locked posts again. If you (what a busybody tsk) want to read this (though I doubt anyone would even pass by here lol), do drop me a message for the key. (:

I need to put a stop to this failing of tests. More specifically, maths and chemistry. Sometimes I wonder if choosing these 2 subjects were right for me, but it's not like I can do anything about it at this point of time.

I do find chemistry interesting, and I think that I'm able to internalize the concepts. What I don't understand is why I always inevitably do badly when it comes to tests. It really punctures a hole in my morale, especially when I fail a subject that I genuinely like.

I think I can count with one hand the number of times I have passed a test. I shouldn't let failure affect me too much, but seeing it so frequently...I don't want to be numb to failing.

This holiday. This holiday, I will study, and I will improve the situation. I can't go on like this. Others are capable, so there's no reason why I'm not.

Some days I would wake up feeling really crappy about myself; hating myself, even. I would see myself in the bathroom mirror and think, 'Wow, this person really can't make it.'

Some days I would wake up feeling so good, so happy about everything around me; about myself, even. I would see myself in the bathroom mirror and think, 'Wow, this person is doing well.'

Sigh.

More than a month since a post. Really have nothing much to say actually. Hectic school, band, sleep etc etc. Time passes by too quickly.

In a blink of an eye, it is already the end of April. Where did the past few months go? The past months have been a roller coaster. There were its ups and there were downs.

Sometimes, life would feel so good and satisfying. Especially those days when I don't have assignments due urgently.

Then again, life feels so horrible and draggy at times.

'Why did I choose JC?'
'Is this day going to end yet?'
'I'm so tired.'
'PE later sianzzzz.'
'Food.'

Just some thoughts that run through my mind occasionally.

Sometimes, I look back to my older posts and get a laugh out of me complaining about O Levels. Now that I think about it, what trivial shit that was. But obviously, whatever obstacle you are facing now would seem like a behemoth to you at that point of time, right? Most likely, I would be looking back at my complaints about the As like how I'm looking back at my Os now.

It's a little sad that all my posts revolve around school. But what life does a Singaporean student have, really? None.

School has been rather hectic. Only the first term passed and I'm already feeling drained. The workload is heavier and the content is harder. It's like secondary 4 on steroids. Maths (vectors, to be more specific) is a burden and I sometimes wonder if I should have went for arts instead of science.

Band has become something I look forward to so I can forget about the tutorials I have to complete, no matter how briefly that escape is. My section is really fun too.

The thought of switching to poly has crossed my mind a few times, but really, I shouldn't see poly as an escape route. Who's to say that poly wouldn't be just as stressful? Also, many others made it through their A Levels, so there is no reason why I'm not able to.

At the very least, I'm glad that I have many nice people around me. My classmates are nice, my bandmates are nice, my OGMs are wonderful. It is great to have a wide social network around you.

I should be trying to complete my maths tutorial, but I don't have the motivation right now. I do one question, get the wrong answer, puzzle over it for half an hour, still get the wrong answer and finally throw my foolscap and tutorial aside out of frustration. Not exactly a positive attitude towards learning.

Hello! It has been a long time since I last posted. Many things have passed since the last post. Band practices at NY, band trip, O Level results, going out with friends, playing ball, the list can go on and on.

I remember the first prac I went to. It was so awkward. I think Yvonne's first line to me was 'You play what ah?'. HAHA. Sectionals were....I don't know how to describe it. I was still getting used to the tenor (and playing tenor in general), so I was half dead. The tenor I used was having some wobbly sound in the lower notes, and I only found out a lot later cus the mouthpiece was a little loose.

Then during the next prac, Jia Yi came along. She forgot me from primary school leh what a friend. Had to remind her that I was in the same English and Maths class as her. Then Candice came. And then Brandon appeared. Then Yan Ying appeared. Why I keep saying appear like they pop out of nowhere like that. Then we finally had a full section! After that I had to switch to baritone for some pieces, but I wouldn't deny that it was quite a nice experience to play the baritone. Fun leh those low notes.

All these lead to the trip to Malaysia. Practice so much there. But at least got some time to shop. I regret not buying more stuff ugh. Things were so cheap there! But at least I got myself some shoes.

Oh, I just realised that even during the Taiwan trip during sec 3 I was at first barred from going out with everyone else because I did something wrong. I switched rooms with someone else and got caught and wasn't supposed to go to the Shilin Night Market. But in the end also go. Haiyo must stop this habit of mine.

The concert itself was really fun hehe. But just minutes before the concert, the baritone sax acted up and couldn't play the low C#. And when we returned back to Singapore it fixed itself. The baritone was trolling us omg. What a bitch. We played 4 encores too. 4. Like wtf 4 I'm so tired already can we please stop playing. But it was really fun! Oh, and the Malaysian band members can be really high when they want to. I don't see much difference between us and them. As in, their inter section relationships. The boys in saxophone tio bullied one please LOL. The bands sounded really good too!

I have typed a lot.

Moving on, moving on.

I have to say that I'm really satisfied with my O Level results. ^^

I did not expect to score an L1R5 of 10 at all. I was expecting something around 14? I got...

EL A1
History A2
Geog/SS A2
E Maths A2
A Maths A2
Phy/Chem A1
MT B4

I was expecting something more like

EL B3
History B4
Geog/SS A1
E Maths A2
A Maths A1
Phy/Chem B3
MT C5

Which would have given me 14 yeah.

I felt that I was ranting and writing crap for the EL essay, but seems like the person marking thought otherwise...

History was horrible because my 2nd essay for my modern world paper was only half a page long. I concluded an essay in half a page. LOL first time ever.

I was hoping that I scored for Geog/SS since I felt quite confident for both the papers. Looks like other people did better.

E Maths...expected lor.

A Maths. I'm quite disappointed. Did so much practice and still couldn't get an A1. Did the stupid TYS 2 times through and the recent year papers like 5 times leh. Maybe I should have done the school prelim papers. And I shouldn't have assumed that the tangent graph confirm won't be tested. Lesson learnt. Never assume.

Science was a surprise cus I felt that my chemistry paper was horrible. My MCQ or practical must have helped haha.

MT. Lol. I actually felt more excited over that B4 than the other grades. That's how bad I am at Chinese. But nahhhh I'm still proud to be a Chinese. :>

Damn it, I hope I don't sound like I'm bragging. ):

So, looks like DSAing wasn't necessary at all. But it's okay. Without meeting all those people from NYJCSB, my twitter timeline would have been a lot more boring.

I shall repeat this again. Woah, I really typed a lot. Therefore, this shall be where I end my post, which should last for...I don't know, months?

Since Jia Yi taught me how to type Japanese on the computer, I shall end the post with it.

さようなら！

I do not understand how I managed to miss out on Doctor Who.